In Misc Parenting

Getting Personal: My Current Thoughts

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Hey Yall!  I hope you're having a fabulous week and ready to kick start the weekend, I know I am!  I got tax season behind me, but now I have the first quarter taxes to worry about.  Yikes!  This time of year is always the hardest, money wise since I'm hit with taxes twice.  😭






It has been awhile since I've done a blog post that is a bit more personal, like what is going on in my life right now and what I've been up to these days, so I wanted to share some things with you a bit.






I've been Feeling Emotional


I've been in my feelings y'all.  Just been a bit emotional lately and disappointed in my biological father.  Here's what has got me down about him.





A few weeks ago I was browsing through my personal Facebook timeline like I usually do and came across family photos of my father with other family members having the grandest time in Destin, Florida for spring break.






I thought to myself, so where was my invite to y'all event?






My father is now retired, meaning he can start making up for all the lost time he hasn't been in my life as I was growing up.  Also, be there for his grandchildren.






It wasn't so much being upset about not being invited, moreso him not spending quality time with any of his children or grandchildren.






With my stepfather, he always was there for me, never missed any special moments, EVER!  Even when he fell ill with cancer, with me being over 3,000 miles away, he still was there for the girls and me.  He made the girls and me his priority.






I was having a talk with Mr. M about my feelings towards my biological father, and Mr. M shared with me that I need to understand that my stepfather was a good man and gave me a life I deserve. I can't change my biological father he is more for himself and not to let his actions affect me.






It's like I want him so badly to step up and be the father figure he is supposed to be, but I guess that's wishful thinking.  This is why I love on my girls so hard, never letting them feel unloved or neglected.







My biological father can make up for lost times by spending it with his grandchildren, that would satisfy me.  But instead, partying it up with his Memphis and New Orleans family is what's more important to him.






He played a huge part why I don't have a relationship with my mother now.  Whenever she looks at me, she sees my father, and I remember her telling me she hopes I don't grow up ignorant like how my father is. 






Parents walking out of their children's lives has a long-lasting effect on a child's life, feeling unloved, vulnerable, wondering what they did wrong.  This kind of absent parents needs to step up to their responsibilities, or don't have children at all.






I don't know if I'll be making the trip to Memphis for his annual family reunion this year, but I may have second thoughts and go.  We shall see.






And we'll see if he'll have the time to make it to Lauren's graduation, although I'm feeling a certain way about him, I'll still give him an invite. 








Why Can't Kids Stay Young Forever?


Before our spring break trip, there was a parent night at Lauren's new middle school she will be attending in the fall to introduce the curriculum she'll be learning and making the adjustment from elementary school.






I'm sooo not ready for Lauren to be a middle schooler.  It's like I  don't want her to grow up, I want to shelter her forever.






Her new school is so huge as if she'll get lost in the crowd of teenagers.  But she told me when she had a field tip before parent's night that she know her way around and for me to stop worrying.






No more kumbaya and holding hands like in elementary school, time for growing up into future leaders.






Lauren seems to be excited about it, she even joined the school band, and she's looking forward to being in a different school than Michelle for a year.






Me, I'm not looking forward to the separation.  I just feel they'll start growing apart.







Here I go in my feelings again!







Oh yeah, Lauren and Michelle found profanity written on the walls in one of the girl's bathroom.  LAWD!!!!  There goes my kids' innocence!  Couldn't the school at least painted over that?








Dark Hardwood Floors are the Devil!


Dark hardwood floors are such a pain in the a** to clean!!! 






Before I bought my house, I took a tour in a model home with dark wood floors, and I was obsessed with it giving the home a luxury look.  Little did I know that dark hardwood shows every speck of dust, and I do mean EVERYTHING!






I'm cleaning these doggone floors every, single, day!!!  Several times during the day, even!  And keeping up with the shininess is a stressful task too.






If you're thinking of getting dark wood floors, DON'T!!!!







When Blogging Goes Wrong


A week ago, Mr. M came to me and asked did I hear about a well-known fashion blogger who was arrested for credit card theft?






I told him yes I've heard and shared with him that there are some bloggers living lives they can't afford, just to display they're living the high-life to their followers.






The blogger that was arrested was a luxury fashion blogger, but in real life that is not the life she lives, so to keep up with the persona she created she had to resort to stealing.






With this blog, what you see is me.  I don't play it up for this blog living a life all for show.  I do travel a lot, love playing in makeup, always doing fun things with my family.  I display my authentic self, and that's why my blog lasted for so many years.






I only work with brands that fits my lifestyle or who I use already like JCPenney; I always shop at their store for the majority of my household goods, so it is the perfect partnership.






I share more of myself on Instagram, like what my family and I are currently up to on Instastories.  Make sure to follow along there.  You even see me talking on there from time to time.







I Can't Live Without HGTV

I have an addiction, an addiction to HGTV!  Something about that channel gets me in the zone of relaxation looking at beautiful homes that have been remodeled for a more updated look.  Homes so beautiful, you wouldn't even want to touch or sit on anything, just admire the beautiful setting.






HGTV will have you wanting to knock down walls, go crazy shopping for home goods, and want to buy a vacation home in the tropical islands.





Yes, I keep saying I will show off the inside of my house.  To me it doesn't look like the home designs from those tv shows or magazines, it's a bit underwhelming to be quite honest.






But as promised, I'll show you all soon.  But you've been seeing bits and pieces of it on my blog pictures already, especially my kitchen since it's the place I spend the most time.







My Poor Fish is on His Last Fin


I need y'all advice on one of my fish. 





I have a fish that has a bladder infection that has stunted his growth, and he can not swim, he lays on his side almost lifeless.





He has been this way for nearly two years now and just doesn't want to enter the heavenly gates above.  He moves around swimming in circles opening and closing his mouth when its time to eat catching bits and pieces of flakes here and there.  And the other fish attacks him by pushing and smothering, trying to keep food away from him since they know he is sick.





About a week or so ago, Lauren discovered one of his eyes missing! 😲  OMG!!  Also, he is now blind!






This poor fish is badly deteriorating, and I don't have the heart to finish him off.  The pet store suggested I flush him or even freeze him, but that's so cruel!  But it's also cruel of me to leave him in the tank suffering from his disease and the poor treatment he gets from the other fish.






What would you do in this situation?





Every so often, I'll be doing these kinds of random updates so y'all know what I'm up to, how I'm currently feeling, and advice.  I hope you don't mind posts like these.

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10 comments:

  1. I totally understand about your dad and mom. I had gone through very similar situations. I will say this. Your perspective is right in how you feel but also I will speak after coming to an understanding of my dad. He is prob feeling like a failure deep down inside. He prob feels like she has gone this long without me why up set her world to much now. It is a comfortable hell they live in. I would go to the reunion. It takes one step at a time to climb the stair case. And Keep being the better person and reach out in Love. Thats what the Lord would have us do. As I did that my fathers heart started to melt and his walls of guilt came down. Sometimes its what it takes. Life is to short to set and wonder. :-)
    Also that fish! Poor thing. I totally get it. I have had tiny fish & animals in a similar situation and I kid you not,, I prayed over them in Jesus name and they got better. When you have no other option to help the animal truly the Lord can heal even them to and do a miracle for your girls to see. It happen to us a handful of times. Loved your post. ( hugs to you girly)

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    1. Oh and I love HGTV too :-) eeekkk

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    2. This is why I love you Suzie! You are the best! Always understanding when I create post like these spilling out my heart.


      Also, with you knowing just the way I feel since your situation is fairly the same, you give me advice that is so helpful.


      I don't have people that are understanding of my feelings, and some people who I grew up with just aren't the caring people they should be.


      What also made me so emotional, since I had my emotions under control with having so many blessings happening in my life....recently, I did a Instagram campaign for Disney about a movie and I had to share about someone I looked up to. That person is my step-dad and I shared a picture of him on Instagram, and I've been missing him so badly lately ever since.


      My step-father was my biggest cheerleader always telling me how much he believed in me, and when I was down he brought me back up.


      I'll continue to stay prayerful Suzie, I know the Lord will keep me stronger. And before my dad passed he told me to keep strong for his grand-babies, and I'm going to do exactly that. I know he's smiling down proud that his daughter is living out her dreams.


      I've been praying over my fish, but honestly, he's just too far gone. I prayed that he would just pass so he would no longer suffer. We provided him a great home, maybe that's why he doesn't want to pass away, but our family will be okay if he does because we know he's not living in pain anymore.


      HGTV is on every single day in my house! I got the whole family, including Mr. M watching it. Both him and Michelle give me the side-eye though because they think home shows are boring. However, Lauren loves it and have the channel on in her room all the time.


      Thank you Suzie for being the best blog buddy ever! *Hugs* *Love*

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  2. I really appreciate reading your personal thoughts - families can be so complicated - Mr. M sounds very wise. Feel w hat you need to and do whatever selfcare helps you through. Have a good weekend!

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    1. I agree Lynda, family can be so complicated and hurtful.


      I'll keep taking care of myself and my daughters, keeping strong. Thank you, I did have a good weekend, I hope your weekend was good too!

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  3. Lou,

    I’m sorry about your father’s behavior. I know how emotional it can be when parents walk out of kids life as well. I haven’t seen my dad in years and he has never met any of his grandkids from any of his children. The worst part is a couple of years ago I tracked him down and he was residing down south. I worked up the nerve to call him and we made plans to meet up. When I called to confirm the plans it turns out his number had been changed. I was so heartbroken and as an adult I cried for hours as I couldn’t understand what it was that I had done to make him not like me. Additionally, while I have a relationship with my mom right now, that wasn’t always the case either. I was actually a foster kid from the time I was a preteen to an adult. That pain is so real and caused me to feel like I would never be good enough. I felt as if the people who created me couldn’t love me, then who would. It took years to work through those issues and move on. It was a hard road and I also told myself I would never make my kids go through the emotions that I went through. I am glad you had a step father who loves both you and your girls. There is a saying that says it's not who gives birth to you that is your parents, but who sticks around during the hard times and I find it to be very true.

    It has been amazing to watch your girls grow up over the years, but honestly quite frightening for me as well as it shows what's in my near future. My youngest will be going to elementary this school year and it is so scary for me. He’s the last baby, which is probably going to hurt even worse than when his older brother left the nest.

    Whoa I did not hear about the fashion blogger thing, but have come across similar stories over the years. I feel you though, same with me, what you see is what you get. Don’t nobody got time to be going to jail trying to keep up with the Jones.

    Sorry to hear from about your fish. I don’t really have any advice, but I do agree what the pet store suggested doesn’t sound like something someone could do. Don’t they realize that pets are family members too?

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    1. Wow Victoria, I never knew you've gone through all of that in your life! You're such a strong women and a wonderful mother to your kids, and you're giving your sons a great life. Have you ever talk to your mother about your father? Has she told you what kind of person he is? He may is feeling guilty about abandoning you, and can't face his wrongdoings. My father will never speak to me about why he wasn't in my life. From what I heard he wanted my mom not to keep me. Sad right? But from our experiences, the love we didn't get from our parents, we can show unconditional love to our children and provide them with the life they deserve and not feel like their parents not love them. Also, I'm happy your mom is in your life now and repairing the missing pieces, that's really big of her to do.


      It freak me out too when my girls started elementary school, but after awhile I was good with it. But now my girls are way more independent, becoming teens, and those were the years where I didn't really want to hang with my parents. This is what I'm afraid of when it comes to my girls. And I don't want to even think about high school! OY!


      When it comes to fish, people think that fish isn't worth anything. Fish has a life just like everyone else and is apart of the family like any other pet. My fish has been there when I'm hurting, needing to calm down, relax. I love my fish and hate to see them sick and dying.

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  4. I've been super emotional lately too! I am so sorry about your relationship with your mom and biological dad. You don't deserve that treatment.

    My emotions have been about my kids too. My daughter is a senior in college with only one semester to go! She does her student teaching this coming fall and graduates in December.

    My son is a freshman in college doing automotive so he spends half of each semester working in a dealership. It is rough! He's away M-F 8-6 or 9 depending on the day. I'm so used to them being around. Since my husband died 3 years ago, I'm really going to be empty nesting alone someday soon.

    Poor fish! I would suggest putting him in his own bowl if you can, so at least he's isolated.

    Thanks for sharing your heart!

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    1. Hey Christy! Thank you for sharing how you've been feeling. That's what I think about all the time, my daughters leaving the nest. Then I get to thinking, what am I going to do without them? They are like my sidekicks, we do everything together.

      I wish I could give you advice on what to do once your children are not around anymore. Do you have friends in your area? Or neighbors you talk to? My friends are scattered all over the US, and I don't really have friends close to me here in Atlanta. I may join PTA or other parenting groups to meet other moms with daughters my girls' age.


      Good idea about the bowl. I have did this with another fish that was sick, but he died the very next day. I was crushed.

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  5. Hey Lou!

    First, I hear you on the taxes. So not fun!

    Second, YES HGTV is my life! Fixer Upper, Love it or List it and Property Brothers are my two favorite ones right now! It does make you want to rip your house apart and start over! It has given me some GREAT tips over the years, and I've been able to take something ugly and make it FAB!

    Third- man, that has to hurt about your Dad. I totally get what you are saying about at least come and spend time with the grandkids. Even if you and him can't have that relationship you want, he could at least try for the grandkids sake. As I think about the fact of losing my Dad last year, he was there for us. I don't know how much you want to invest your time and emotions into it, but I would say this. Just make sure you do whatever you can do on your end to have a relationship with him. When our parents are gone, there are no more chances. The only chance you have is now.

    However, if he has made it already clear to you that he is not interested in having a real relationship with you guys, then you have done everything you can do. And that has to hurt a lot. Knowing your parent(s) is still here, but not interested in investing their time into you. Knowing he invited other family members down to Florida, and didn't extend the invitation to you is not even right.

    I no advice on fish. We had two goldfish when the kids were little and they died within a few days! LOL
    As the girls get older, you are going to have a lot of free time on your hands! I say travel more or take up a hobby! lol
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

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