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April 25, 2016

When Will We Get to Meet Your Mother?

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Photo Credit:  Tiffany Powell

The Girls:  "Mom, when will we get to meet your mother?"

Hey Yall!  This post is a little different than the norm, as you can see from the sentence above.  I told you all last week I've been going through some things and kept some of my issues private, but I want to get this off my chest and get your thoughts in regards to this matter.

You see, my girls are asking me about my mother, and why they haven't met her.  They had an encounter with her as newborns but don't remember that.

I was hoping never to have to speak about my mother to them, not have them wondering why she is not in our lives.  But my girls are getting older, their filled with questions that need answers.

So why haven't they spent time with my mother, their grandmother?   I bet you noticed how I never speak about her on this blog, and that's because I've had a falling out with her.  Our relationship was toxic.  In her eyes, I despise her.  She treated me like I was a mistake that she wish had never happened.  I guess I didn't live up to her expectations.  I just don't understand.  Also, when she looks at me, all she see is my father, the man who ran out on her.  What made her angry is that I forgave my father, and let him in my life as well as my girls.  If he's trying to do right, why would I turn him away?

From what I learned, my mom's childhood was rough; which made her cold-hearted, and hard to give out love and affection.  But you'd think by her having children she wouldn't want them to have the same life as her.  Just because I have problems in my life, I would never take it out on my kids; they're innocent.

Things got pretty bad during my teenage years.  My mom and I would get into heated arguments, and she would make my brothers turn on me, which by the way because of her I don't have a relationship with them either.  By all means, I wasn't the perfect teen; I did put her through a lot, but I was seeking her love, comfort, her praises.  To her, her career was more important than her children, plus the men she dated came before us as well.

How can she treat me like I'm don't mean nothing to her?  How can she not love me?  With the saying goes, "you must honor your parents", but I've tried with my mother time and time again, and she hurts me every time, I can't honor that.

Before my Step-Father passed away, his dying wish was for my mom, me, and my brothers to be a family again.  I tried, but it didn't work.  It was like she had fire in her eyes, and told me some very hateful things when I was trying to make amends with her which made me throw up my hands and walk away forever; I had enough of her.

If it weren't for my girls, I would be lost in this world.  Lonely, depressed, wondering why I'm unloved and unappreciated.  But my girls showed me what love is all about; they appreciate me, care for me, they are my guiding light. That's why I love so hard, making sure they never feel unloved and uncared for.  I want to ensure they know that I'll always be there for them.  God blessed me with two wonderful girls and showed me how what a mother is supposed to be.

Once my girls are teens, I'll give them the full story about my mother so they'll have a better understanding why they don't see their grandmother.  Then they can decide if they would like to meet her or not. 

Sorry for such a depressing post, but this has been weighing heavy on my mind since my girls are bringing my mom up.  With Mother's Day just around the corner, it opens up a wound making it fresh all over again.

Thanks you for reading.

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  1. Hi Lou, I am so sorry to hear about your life event. This is a very tough situation and I do hope and pray the relationship can one day be restored. I'm a strong believer that our parents are the most important people in our lives. I was blessed to have both parents in my life. Whereas my son, doesn't have his dad around. But, I'm remaining hopeful that it will change one day. I know your children have lots of questions as they grow older and those are tough questions to answer I'm sure. I understand your desire to ensure your girls will always have you in your life. I too work hard to ensure my son feels complete. As adults, we have to continue what we know is right and pray for other's hearts to change. From my eyes, you are doing a wonder job with the girls and I hope you do have a great Mother's Day too!

    1. Thank you Janet for these encouraging words. I hoping my girls will understand some day why I have shield them from their grandmother, I don't want them to face the same pain I went through. But I will continue to pray, and I hope my mom finds it in her heart to change, especially more so for her grand daughters.

  2. Not all mothers are great. Mine never said I loved you until the day before she passed but she showed me she loved me so I never had to hear the words. My mom was an action person not really mushy and didn't say kind things but she did without to send me to private school and sacrificed so that I could be educated. I think how I grew up had a lot to do how I treat relationships even the one I had with my hubs. He wanted me to show more love but all I could do was action because thats all that I knew. It's hard for me to love people, huge people, say I love you, etc. My kids say it to me all the time though so I am learning from them what I wish I had known years ago. All I can say is we pray for people and if you tried then you know you did your part and that to me is the best feeling in the world knowing that you tried.

    1. My mom had 8 other siblings, so I guess it was hard in life for her to get attention from her parents. But I will say my grand parents were loving people, and I would use to love going to their house and hang out with all of my cousins.

      My step dad was a total opposite of my mom, he was very loving and caring, so I lean towards him. But when my parents divorced it all went bad.

      Like you said, if you prayed about it and tried to make things better and it doesn't happen, it's best just to part ways, and move on.

  3. Praying that you find some peace about your relationship with your mom. My kids don't have a relationship with my husband's father,but luckily they never ask about him. Sometimes you just have a shield your kids from possibly being hurt.

    1. I agree Sonya! And I'm sorry to hear about your husband's father. Hopefully one day he'll change.

  4. Anonymous6:50 PM

    Hi Lou, I've read an earlier blog post from you about your girls asking about your mother and your relationship with your mother. I'm really praying that your relationship with your mother and brothers will be repaired. I am blessed to have had a wonderful childhood and still have a blessed relationship with
    my parents, sister, and in-laws. I want you to pray about EVERYTHING and the Lord will guide. Here's an idea that may make you feel better even if your mother doesn't even acknowledge it. This may make you feel better and the fact that you are being the bigger person may make you feel better. Here's the idea - send her flowers for Mother's Day, send her a card on her birthday and during Christmas. Just an idea. Take care Lou

    1. Thank you girl for your loving support! Unfortunately, I don't know where my mom and siblings stay anymore or phone numbers. What I'll do is continue to pray for them, maybe someday we'll cross path.

  5. Hugs Lou! I hope that one day there will be a reunion so the girls can have their grandma. My dad and I don't have a relationship so I get how the absence of a parent can sting. Some people change as they grow older so hopefully that's the case and you're about to repair things. <3 Hugs

  6. Hugs Lou! I hope that one day there will be a reunion so the girls can have their grandma. My dad and I don't have a relationship so I get how the absence of a parent can sting. Some people change as they grow older so hopefully that's the case and you're about to repair things. <3 Hugs

  7. Oh my goodness! I could have written this post. It sounds like you and I have a lot in common. I ran away when I was 16 and didn't look back from years of mostly mental, but some physical and sexual abuse from my mom's boyfriend. You can't hold on to toxic relationships. I am much better off. I found foster parents whom would give me the world if they could and stepped in to provide the family I should have had growing up. I have two boys who have had only a few interactions with my mother as well before I decided...nope, nothing's changed. You have to take care of you and of course your children and I feel the same way about protecting my kids from that kind of toxic relationship.

  8. So many of us have the same type of relationship that you have with your mother. I am sorry for all the pain and hurt she has put you through.

  9. Thank you sharing your story as I know it will help others. I pray that your family finds peace. Sometimes you do have to love folks, including family from a far. I love how you spend such good times with your daughters, they will cherish those for life! You're a rocking Mom!